Hamilton's Halloween Horror IV

Oh, Halloween. Who doesn't love dressing up as their favorite superhero/monster/animal/stereotype and gorging on candy?  Well, apparently Hamilton doesn't.  For the past 3 years, our beloved dog has taken to the Internet on All Hallows' Eve to spread fabricated tales of torture and misery. None of it is true, mind you. They are merely exaggerations born out of his frustration over being made to wear some humiliating costume and his jealousy that dogs cannot enjoy chocolate as we humans do.

Here is this year's rant ~

Hello again,

It is I, Hamilton Fitzpatrick. Surprised to hear from me? Did you think I would have perished by now at the hands of these awful humans? So did I. Three times I have come to you in great desperation, and three times you have ignored my appeals. This can go on no longer, for I have been thrust into the Jaws of a new misery, and if I am not liberated soon, you will not hear from me again. Here is my horrific tale:

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It began one dark and stormy night. My humans were engaged in their usual wickedry by the seashore when suddenly they came upon a creature crawling out from the murky depths of the Pacific Ocean. It was a small, beastly thing with a ferocious appetite and shriek so frightening it would make the hairs on your neck stand on end. Naturally my humans were enamored, and they brought the devilish thing home to live with us.



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That was 7 months ago. Since then my humans have worked tirelessly nursing this creature, feeding it and teaching it their savage ways. It has grown bigger, sprouted dagger-like teeth. Its bloodthirst has become almost uncontrollable. Neighborhood pets have begun vanishing at an alarming rate. I often catch it eying me hungrily. I fear my days are numbered.



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I must go now, for the creature has begun to circle me. It has that look in its eye again. It seems to be pondering how I'd taste with a side of tarter sauce. This could be the end. You are my only hope. Please save me.



Woefully yours,

Hamilton Fitzpatrick

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P.S. Never mind . . . you are already too late.



P.P.S. Happy Halloween from Jeff, Jenny, Benjamin & Hamilton